Just about 4 months ago I was crippled by fear, fear of the unknown is what it really came down to. I was living in Southern California where I had resided for the past 3 years prior. I grew very comfortable there and found one of a kind genuine friendships/connections that I could have never even imagined myself finding in my lifetime. I loved my job, the ocean, hiking in the mountains, all of the healthy resturant options, festivals, and so much more.
When I first had the internal pull to move back home to Illinois I kind of just ignored it and didn’t give it to much attention simply because it just didn’t make sense to me, I had a beautiful life why would I move back to the state that has nothing but horrible past memories and associations? I could only ignore this internal pull for so long though. Something, something far greater than myself wanted me to move back home for reasons I could not even begin to understand at the time. I prayed, meditated, and talked to many people about my decision and although most, if not all feedback I got from people was against me moving home I still could not deny this internal pull as much as I wanted to.
I made a plan and put it in motion. I scheduled the date to ship my car, figured out financial situations, and informed my family of my decision. Once I was firm in my decision and put a plan in motion I was shown love, guidance, and support like no other. I was experiencing so many remarkable synchronicities that could not just be viewed as “coincidental”. A good friend of mine from California ended up knowing someone who worked at a company that entailed the exact same work I was doing and wanted to continue doing.
I went for the interview a month before I was scheduled to move back home and got the job. They where willing to work with me and started my hire date 5 days after my scheduled move back home. I will never forget all of the crazy emotions that came up for me the day before I moved. I was sad, excited, fearful, nervous, and had no idea what to expect with this move. I felt as if I was about to board a plane blindfolded to a new life in the state that had so much fear over me.
I spent nights crying myself to sleep as memories of the past wonderful 3 years replayed in my head and all of the genuine beautiful people I had met. Moving day came and I had said all of my goodbyes the night prior at my going away dinner. I boarded the plane and made a decision to turn all of my fear into faith that I was being supported every step of the way during this transition. Since my move I cannot even begin to express how much love, guidance, and support I have been shown by something far greater than myself.
My fears consisted of facing my past, (people, places, and things), fear of not liking my job, fear of not finding true connections like I had in California, fear of being depressed and not happy, fear of regret, fear of false expectations, fear of the unknown, fear of setting boundaries with old friends, and fear of being stagnant and not growing. Through this process I have found the exact opposite of my fears. I have found that I absolutely LOVE my job and the women I work with, I have found that this move had exceeded any expectations I possibly could have had, I have learned to set boundaries right off the bat because I am worthy of healthy relationships and people in my life, and most importantly I have found, (remembered) even more of my true self.
I have had the opportunity to face my past head on and not only learn but heal on a level that I couldn’t have even comprehended a couple of months ago. I have been able to be present and be a daughter, sister, friend, and so much more. One of my biggest fears was that I wouldn’t experience all of the love in Illinois that I had found in California and that is the most important lesson I learned during this transition, that all of that love I was so fearful of not finding wasn’t going anywhere because it was WITHIN ME the entire time. What a simple concept that you hear often but getting to experience that feeling first hand is absolutely amazing and such a beautiful heart warming feeling.
I have found a daily practice that I love so much and have so much passion towards. I have learned to commit to what I love and to just surrender when things are getting crazy in life because I have been shown time and time again that my higher power is so much bigger then me, my problems, and my current circumstances. I am forever grateful for this journey of deeper and deeper self discovery and love. I challenge you to step into something unknown, you NEVER know what beautiful life experiences may be awaiting you on the other side. Thank you all for reading and remember that you are always loved guided and supported if you just let go of fear, surrender, and tune into faith.